i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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