WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
