last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
