the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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