dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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