A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
