im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
