His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
