i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
