That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
