im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
