i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
