butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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