i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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