Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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