I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
