my being single is dangerous.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
