my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We need a shit load of segways right now
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
