i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You smell like stripper and shame
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
