you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
