I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
