sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
