His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
vagina is talking i cant
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
