I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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