last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
