Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
