My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
