what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
apparently the secret to your success is patron
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
