What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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