And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
