i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
