wake up i wanna do it froggy style
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
