New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
why do cheetos always look like penises
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize