i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
