the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
