I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
whose parrot is this?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
