I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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