I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
