He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
