with your own penis?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
