You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
