we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
