I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
