Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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