After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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