'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
