it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
