i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
