i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
