Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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