I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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