I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
