i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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