party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
