Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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