wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
