shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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