Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
