I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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