dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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