I just made out with a guy for $7.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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