Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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