There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
