I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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