That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
