And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
we're so committed to being not committed
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
